On Abundance

Before D.A., I had no concept of what abundance really was. My compulsive shopping began in the turbulent 1960's. I felt the need to buy every rock-n-roll record I heard on the radio. No matter how many records I bought, it was never enough. I grew up in a house scarred by alcohol and domestic violence. Music and books were my escape. In that unsafe house, the records were all that was really mine. Years later, when I went on disability with physical problems, I lost contact with my friends from work and sports. There was a shopping mall three blocks from my house. I would go for lunch and shop—just to have someone to talk to. Even when a new medical treatment helped me return to work. I continued to spend compulsively. What seemed like a good salary slipped through my fingers.

My other program helped me to heal my past, and through D.A. I am creating a wonderful present and future. Visions meetings have unearthed my childhood dreams of becoming a writer. I attend writer's support groups, and take writing classes. Keeping up with my writing homework keeps me out of the danger zone of the shopping mall. Best of all, I am happy because my deepest inner needs are being met. Focusing on my dream gives me a buffer against the difficult people in my life and against my fears of not being good enough. Step Study meetings keep me going when I have roadblocks or overwhelming feelings. To feel abundant, I have to force myself to find something positive in every day. I try to practice a new habit of gratitude when life is challenging. In addition, I composed a "Top Ten" list to focus my priorities. I write down my numbers, and I write a note on my calendar when I have completed something on my list. This helps me to acknowledge that I am in positive action.

Working on my 12-step programs is alsways first on my list. It is great to free myself from old pain, and to put energy into my creative projects. Instead of feeling victimized, I see myself in the midst of miracles that could only happen with the help of a loving Higher Power. Friends are a wonderful blessing in my life today. I recently made a list of all the people in my life who are supportive of my recovery and my creative projects. I was so amazed at how long the list was, that I have taped it to my refrigerator. Every time I read the list, or hear from a caring friend, I feel comforted. My dreams include publishing a novel, as well as eating out with friends more frequently. I give myself time for learning, whether it manifests as reading, going to museums, or watching science shows on television. Every day I try to make positive decisions to meet my creative needs. This adds to my self esteem. Beyond the essentials of food and shelter, I now have more than enough friends, creative projects, and dreams. Instead of shopping binges, I plan how to spend my income. This month I paid off another credit card. Traveling around the world, owning my own home, and publishing a novel seem possible. Now that I know whatever I need, I can fulfill these needs, and bring even more abundance into my life. Thanks D.A.!

--Betsea, Visions Meeting